In honour of Madison ..... a tribute

Here's the story I wrote about that difficult week 4 years ago. (posted with Leona's permission)

Madison Joy’s Story of Life


Dear Dave and Leona,

Normally I write a birth story to the baby of my clients. I just finished reading the birth story I wrote for Jaimee and cried as I read. I recalled that night of her birth and could vividly remember Leona’s labour and the relief we all felt when Jaimee uttered her first cry.

This time though, I wasn’t there to witness Madison’s birth, and none of us got to hear her cry.

But she lived for 9 months, was silently birthed on September 19th, 2006 and even though she isn’t here to read her own birth story, I thought you and she deserved her story written down. And so, based on what you’ve told me, what I’ve heard from your doctor, Dr. Delair and what I was there for, I give you Madison’s birth story.

Monday, September 18th was choir night. Although big and pregnant, you (Lee!) decided to come to choir anyways! Good for you! (there must not have been that much breathing room left though!) We had a good practice and went our separate ways.

You (Dave) woke me up at 4:30 a.m. the next morning. It took me a moment to wake up and all of a sudden it hit me. Dave calling me in the middle of the night? Cool! I asked to speak to Leona so I could hear what was going on. After a few minutes of discussion and after hearing a couple contractions, my suggestion was for her to take a shower and try to relax a bit. You sounded quite tense on the phone, Lee …..although the contractions were on the shorter side (30 seconds long), and about 5 minutes apart, they still hurt. It turns out that the labour began very discreetly around midnight and about 2 – 2:30 a.m. picked up a bit. You woke up Dave around 4 a.m. and then shortly after called me. Now that it’s all over, how I wish I would’ve offered to come to your place to be with you!

As I hung up the phone and tried to go back to sleep, my mind kept going. I was thrilled that Leona had gone into labour on her own. This was what we had hoped for! And on her due date to boot! But I couldn’t relax. I thought about calling you guys back to see how things were going, but I didn’t want to disturb the household with a ringing phone. I tossed and I turned but could not fall asleep.
At around 5:30 a.m., the phone rings again. Its you, Dave, telling me that you’re on the way to the hospital with contractions a couple minutes apart and Leona in a lot of pain! I ask if you want me to come right away or wait until she’s assessed. I hear Leona in the background and say to you, “Never mind, I’ll be right there!” You guys had just left.

Meanwhile, Maria had already been called and was at your place to take care of your 3 kids. Leona’s water had broke at around 5:15 and labour intensified hugely after this.
So I whipped on some clothes, brushed my teeth, grabbed my “doula bag”, found my keys and headed out the door. Got into the van, pulled out …..turned left on to Fraser Hwy when all of a sudden my van started making all kinds of funny noises. Reluctantly I pull over, call Martin and he suggests I come back. On my way home, I call Mom and Dad’s house. Dad answers the phone and I tell him “Leona is in labour, my van is making stupid noises, I can’t drive it and could Mom please come over so I can take her car and go to be with Dave and Leona! She needs me!”. No problem, says Dad.

So I get home, it’s raining buckets, Martin and I look at the van, agree it’s not driveable. So I thought I better call you Dave. I leave a message on your cell phone at around 6 a.m.. I tell you that my van has broken down and I’m waiting for Mom and her car.

Finally at around 6:10 or so, Mom arrives and I leave very quickly en route to Langley Memorial Hospital.

Little did I know that you, Leona, had already given birth to your daughter Madison.

I arrive at the hospital at around 6:30-ish. (the time is blurry). As I round the corner to the emergency doors, I see Dr. Delair running in. We see each other and since we’re on our way up for the same thing, make the elevator together. He definitely walks very fast though and I had to run to keep up! He says he’s not sure we’re going to make it. I ask him why not and he says that you were 8 cms on arrival at 5:45 a.m.!! Wow! I had no idea! As he asks me when things had begun, the elevator stops at the second floor and 3 nurses with a crash cart come on. Dr. Delair looks at them ….frowns and says “Code blue on Maternity?”. One of the nurses answers “yup, that’s where we’re headed.”

The elevator lands on the 3rd floor and they all run out at the same time. I’m worried now and especially so when the nurse behind the desk points down the hall, Dr. Delair asks “my patient?”, and the nurse says “Yes”. He runs with the crash cart and I’m stopped by the nurse. I explain who I am – sister and doula, and ask to go in and she says I’m not allowed right now. It was a very odd feeling. I repeat who I am and ask her if she’d go in and see if you want me in the room. She says to me that there are at least 8 people in the room and that I’m not allowed in. I ask what’s wrong, and all she’ll tell me is that the baby is not doing well and then tells me to go wait in the waiting room.

I call Martin right away and ask him to pray like he’s never prayed before. I pace back and forth, back and forth. I know nothing of what’s happened, and I plead with God “please protect the baby, spare the baby’s life….please make all things well” …over and over and over again.
After what seems like hours, but in actuality is only 10 minutes or so, the nurse comes and tells me that I can go in your room now and give you a hug. I walk into the room and I’m met with silence. Dr. Delair is stitching you up Lee, and you both look scared. I give you a hug and you say to me, “Don’t cry!” I look around and see that there is no baby and only 1 nurse. I don’t even dare ask what you’ve had or what’s gone on. The room is so tense! And I’m so worried.

Meanwhile has occurred what only you witnessed. Your labour progressed very fast. You were 8 cms at 5:45 and by 6:10 a.m., Madison was born. It was such a fast delivery, that no doctor was there. Becca, RN, delivered her. You told me Lee, that you saw it was a girl and you let your head fall back, relieved to be done, thankful for a new daughter, and at the same time, feeling sorry for Cody that he didn’t get a brother. Dave, however, saw that things weren’t so good. He recalls that Madison was limp. She was whisked over to the baby warmer right away as the nurses worked to get her breathing. It became apparent very quickly that there was no heartbeat either. In very fast time, more people came in the room …..an ER doctor and a pediatrician as well. When Dr. Delair came in the room, he told me that a full code was in progress, which means that Madison was intubated and they were breathing for her with the ambu-bag, and Becca was doing chest compressions. Shortly after he came in, the code team took Madison out so they could work on her in the special care part of the nursery. It was after this that I was allowed in the room.

After Dr. Delair had finished stitching you up, he told you that he would go find out what was happening with Madison. We waited anxiously together. You had told me by this point that you had had a girl and Madison was her name. Your fear was that she was brain damaged somehow and was facing a disability. No one thought the worst …or did we?


Dr. Delair came back in fairly quickly, and he looked utterly defeated. He came over to your bed and sat down. I remember how he gently took your hands and held them Leona, and he sighed again and again. It happened so fast, I’m sure we all don’t remember what we were all quite thinking. And then he said the words that none of us will forget. “I’m so sorry, so sorry, but, she’s gone.”

And then you two wept. Held each other and wept as the news sank in.

My reaction was of total denial as I had no idea what had just transpired. How could this happen and why? Dr. Delair cried with all of us ….I think the nurse did too. He gently told us that the pediatrician and the code team figured that Madison had passed away sometime the day before …..and definitely before the onset of labour. Was there some comfort in that? Certainly it put to rest any fears that any of us had that we were somehow to blame or that the labour was somehow to blame. Whatever the case ….God called her home before any of us could see her. One day we will know, but for now we just needed to rest in the knowledge that our God is a sovereign God.

Shortly afterwards, the nurse Ruth brought Madison in for you to hold. As tears streamed down both of your cheeks (and mine too) , you examined your beautiful daughter. You held her tiny hands, kissed her head and cheeks, delighted in her 10 perfect fingers and 10 perfect toes. She was so beautiful! Her lips were very red, which we all talked about. She was so …..angelic wrapped up in that blanket. Leona, you said (if I recall correctly) “I know this was God’s will, and part of His plan, but I just feel so sorry for her! She never even had a chance at life.” I was so awestruck by that. Here, in probably the most grievous time in your life, you are thinking of her, not of yourself! Dave, you also reiterated how you believed that God had a plan for this …..you guys were a living testimony of the faith you have in Christ. But we know now, that while she didn’t have a chance here with you, she is alive and perfect now, and already was back then!

We talked about how she looked a lot like Jaimee did at birth. Most of us commented on that, so she must have! You (Dave) gave me the keys to your car and asked me to go get the camera. The nurse made sure I was okay to go ….said she’d come looking for me if I wasn’t back in 10 minutes! As I left the room, Dr. Delair was standing in the hallway, crying. He came up to me and gave me a big hug as I cried too. We talked about our own feelings of missing Madison’s birth ….and he reassured me that we – I had done nothing wrong, and that even if Leona had come to the hospital much earlier in labour, it wouldn’t have made a difference. Dr. Delair was so understanding, so supportive and so grieved as well. I even found it difficult to let go of him! But I had to go ….I actually had a purpose for the moment ….get the camera!

I found your car, got the camera and made my way back upstairs crying the whole time …wondering what had happened, feeling like it was all quite unreal.
You, Dave, proceeded to make the worst phonecalls you’ve probably ever had to make. You called both parents to let them know what had just happened. They responded by saying they were coming right to the hospital to see you and your daughter.

I took pictures of you both with your baby girl Madison …and snapped as many pictures as I could. I was there when our parents arrived. We all cried and admired Madison, while weeping for you two. It was so unreal! Eventually the night staff went home, and Mary, the day nurse came and introduced herself. She was a gem. A Christian as well, her faith shined through in her care and compassion for you two and for all of us. A little while later, Mary suggested we give you three time together alone. Mom, Dad and I headed down to the cafeteria to wait. James and Michelle arrived in the meantime, shocked at the news.

So much happened from then on. Dave’s parents arrived. James and Michelle went in to see you guys and Madison as well. Dave also made the trip down the hill to the school to inform Cody about Madison’s passing. That was tough too, wasn’t it? Poor Cody! Throughout that morning, the families arrived at the hospital, so that by the time Rev. Schouten came to offer words of comfort ….many of us were there with you. Both sets of parents, myself and Martin, Maria and Shane, James and Michelle, and Deb.

Rev. Schouten spent some time talking with us, and bringing us comfort from God’s Word. He read a portion of Psalm 139 with us and prayed with us all. At the request of Dave’s Dad we sang Psalm 116:1. (at least some of us sang, while others silently sang it!). It was a beautiful time, although laced with sadness and grief. Many of us were broken up to watch how grieved Dave was. And many of us were inspired by how strong Leona was. Your faith was evident for all to see. I saw Christ in you!

That afternoon you spent some time with your friends James and Michelle, and Jeremy and Katherine, who came bearing big beautiful bouquets of flowers. The rest of us went home to be alone with our grief as well. Or to take care of kids ….ours and yours. 

In the meantime, the nurses had placed a butterfly on Leona’s hospital room door. The butterfly is the sign for staff that a baby had passed away. Similarly, there is a special room …..the butterfly room, down the hall past the nurses station where these babies are kept. The nurses have to unlock the door whenever a family member or friend of the bereaved wants to see the baby.
The social worker that you met, also took the time to make clay molds of Madison’s hands and feet. What a great job she did! She captured the image of Madison’s fingers and toes so perfectly. They looked so ….real. They also took a lock of Madison’s fine, black hair as a keepsake for you. Everything was going to be put into a special keepsake box for you to take home with you. There was also a “Certificate of Life” proclaiming that Madison Joy Huttema had been silently born on September 19th.

After dinner, Mom, Maria and I came back to the hospital to be with you two, and to say good-bye to Madison. We spent a few hours there with you, talking about stuff I don’t even really remember! And after we said goodbye to you guys, we spent a few minutes saying good-bye to our granddaughter and niece. Words cannot express the emotions, the grief we were all feeling (and still feel) for you. We all know where Madison is – that she is happy and free – but it doesn’t take away the sadness in our hearts at the empty spot left behind.

After we left, I know that the three of you spent a final hour together. How precious those moments must have been! I’m sure you memorized each detail of Madison and reveled in her beauty. She had been dressed in this pretty pink sleeper, complete with a pair of pink booties. And she was wrapped in a beautiful pink, blue and white flannel blanket. So cute! You said your final goodbyes to Madison, and Dave left to go home. You told us, Leona, that as you drifted off to sleep that you thought her second name should be Joy …..and it was your first thought upon waking. You talked about it with Dave, and the name Madison Joy became her name. How beautiful that you found joy in the midst of grief!

That morning you had to leave the hospital without Madison. That was extremely difficult …I can only imagine. But God brought you through that ….as He brought you through coming home without her. Mom, Maria and I were frantically trying to complete our cleanup in preparation for you returning home. You surprised us a bit early! We chatted for a bit …..made sure you were okay, and then left you and Dave alone for awhile.

That afternoon, you guys went with Dad D to Henderson’s Funeral Home to start making arrangements. The next days were spent preparing. Amidst your grief and sadness, all these details had to be looked after! Where to bury her? What kind of service? Flowers. Casket. Burial plot. Service songs ………all these things needed attention. Rev. Schouten met with you and helped you through that, as did the parents.

Family and friends came from out of town to be with you. Dave’s sisters, Marie and Tara came from Coaldale. Leona’s brother – Neil and Laura flew in from Edmonton. Your friends Steve and Audrey came from Calgary, as did Wendy from Smithers. How wonderful to be surrounded by all your loved ones! You spent much time with family over the next several days. There was an evening at Mom and Dad’s with Bill and Caroline. There was an evening where Marie and Tara treated you to Chinese food while visiting you at your home. You had an evening with all your friends. There was Sunday lunch at our home …..an evening with Dave’s family too. We all tried to surround you with our love and care. You received countless cards and a whole lot of flowers and flower arrangements! So much so that your living room looked like a nursery!

Sunday Leona didn’t go to church …..although Dave came in the afternoon. However, Sunday morning had Rev. Ben Berends on the pulpit and he had a wonderfully comforting sermon on Psalm 139. A lot had happened in our congregation. Not only were we awaiting Rev. Schouten’s answer to our call, but Madison had been silently born….Mindert and Emily Deboer had a baby boy the day after, Klasina Klos had surgery, Evelyn Vane was awaiting thyroid surgery ….and we also prayed for the family of Jody Rolleman who had tragically passed away at the age of 25 in a car accident. So much emotion and he did such a good job of weaving it all together. Many people showed care, compassion and support at church that morning …..so much so that I think you, Leona, decided it’d be better to stay home than meet all the people! Monday’s funeral would come soon enough. Wise choice I think!

Monday.
September 25, 2006.
The day you laid your daughter’s body to rest.

The viewing was held at 10:30 a.m. at Henderson’s Funeral Home. You were there, but chose not to view Madison, preferring instead to keep your memories of Tuesday night with you. Most of us that were there went in to see Madison. She looked so tiny, so peaceful, so angelic in that lovely white casket. I took Alanna in to see her as she asked to be able to. That wasn’t easy either, though she did very well. Dave’s nieces Jocelyn and Deanna saw Madison too. It was hard for Marie, Tara, Neil and Laura who saw Madison for the first time. It’s not easy for anyone!

Shortly after the outfits had been swapped (due to a miscommunication) both Dad’s carried the casket to the car, and we drove procession style to Langley Lawn Cemetery in Brookswood. Other family members, and friends, as well as Dr. Delair were already there waiting.

The graveside service was not easy for you. You held on to each other, clinging tightly as we went through the service. Rev. Schouten led it, and did a great job of holding it all together. He read Psalm 23 …..”yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death …will I fear no evil. For thou art with me….”. We recited the Lord’s prayer and the Apostles creed together. Then you, Leona, laid 4 pink roses down on the casket, and then you, Dave, did too. How touching to be putting flowers down for your other children who were not there with you. Then, all of us women and girls also laid down a pink rose in honour of Madison Joy. After that the casket was lowered into the ground and we sang Psalm 116:1 again, as we had done in the hospital.

The emotions of that half hour ran high. Not an eye was dry….many tears were shed. We grieved not for Madison, but for you two. We grieved not for Madison, but for what you will miss in raising Madison with your other 3 children. So many thoughts, so many feelings ….and so much grief.

Dr. Delair was there, and he was very touched by the proceedings, and felt honoured to be there with you. I believe he told you as much!

After the graveside, we all headed back to Langley church for lunch – provided for by your Mothers and other family and friends. We enjoyed a bite to eat. There was a sense of relief, wasn’t there? The “worst” part was over. Now we could look forward to a service of comfort and peace.

Your friend Michelle presented you with the “guestbook/scrapbook” she had designed for people to sign at the service. It was gorgeous! I can hardly describe it ….just go take a look at the designs, the colour, the words, the signatures …..the amount of love that went into it.

Michelle also took care of “decorating” the table for signing ….complete with pictures of the molds of Madison’s feet and hands, her blanket and the book, along with flowers. So warm and inviting, it was.

The service began shortly after 1 p.m. The church seemed full from what I can remember. It was a beautiful service. Rev Schouten preached on Luke 18: 15-17, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.” Madison was in heaven! He focused on that, and reminded us all, and you especially that Madison’s purpose in life was complete ….she had been called home at the time set for her …..and that she would never experience the sin and misery that we do ….including all those childhood illnesses. He also talked about how you would miss Madison in not knowing what she would have been like ….as a baby, as a toddler or even as a teenager …what traits she would possess. But you were assured that one day you would be reunited with your daughter Madison …….and oh what a reunion it will be!! He also touched on what he had spoken with you alone ….that Madison’s purpose for her brief life was completed. That whatever she was created to do for the Kingdom was already done. Isn’t that awesome?

Martin read the poem he had written for you. He only felt compelled and able to read it publicly after he had a “vision” in which he saw Madison smiling and encouraging him to read it. That’s why he said it was from Madison and him. You had already read the poem last Wednesday and had requested that it be in the funeral program …or read. Martin was happy to acquiesce to both. It was a very touching part of the service …one that many people have commented on! So many women said to me that they couldn’t even finish reading it, let alone hear it! Dad then read your thank you and read what was indeed, your confession of faith. It was touching, moving and so beautiful. And it was heartfelt. Your heart and soul was poured into that ….every word was thought out and so meaningful. And the words of “In Christ Alone” now have way more meaning. And so I felt compelled on Sunday night when I read your thank you, to play it for you. Believe me, if I had had nerves of steel, I would have sung it too. Alas, that’s not me! But I’m sure you sang along in your hearts, as did I.

You told me that neither of you could sing “Loving Shepherd” in the service. But that you both sang your hearts out with “Amazing Grace”. I’m so glad you could receive such joy in that song! “Through many dangers, toils and snares, I have already come! Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead me home.”

Then came the long receiving line ……that must have been emotional for you. So many people, family and friends, sharing in your grief. It’s amazing the strength that comes from other people. Dr. Delair was once again touched by the outpouring of love from our friends and family ….and also from the communion of saints. Can we believe that Madison’s funeral service touched him in one way or another? I think so. He has commented on the faith that has carried you and all of us through this very difficult time. Maybe a seed has been planted. Can we hope that that was Madison’s purpose? Maybe we’ll never know this side of heaven, but one day we can be rest assured it will all be made clear as to why Madison was taken home so soon.

After church, we all (both families- including Uncle Bill and Aunt Maria, who were here also for Bill’s brother in law, Dick Mulder’s funeral) headed back to Mom and Dad’s for dinner together. Left over soup and buns, and KFC was the order of the day. But most important? We spent time fellowshipping and enjoying each other’s company ….and singing. We sang Psalm 100 again, Great is thy Faithfulness, In Christ Alone, Seek Ye First, and Hear O Lord and Answer. It was so bonding, wasn’t it? And not a tear was shed! We all sang with gusto and enjoyment, giving praise to our Heavenly Father.

Shortly afterwards, Marie, Tara, Neil and Laura needed to be brought to the Abbotsford airport for their homeward flights. For you, Dave, saying goodbye to your sisters would have been difficult because you don’t know when you will see them next. However, Neil and Laura would be returning in 9 days for James and Michelle’s wedding.

You brought Neil and Laura away to the airport and when you returned, we had put our kids to bed already ….you did the same, and then we spent a gezellig evening together as family. I remember laughter, joy and a feeling of some normalcy. Did you? There was still grief and sadness, but we could also enjoy each other’s company as a family and that felt good!

What a myriad of emotions have accompanied this birth, this death, this funeral ….this story.

And now life must go on without Madison. You will be able to do this …in Christ alone. He will be your strength! He will be your guide …even to the end of the days. Trust in Him, Dave and Leona. Never let go. He is our sovereign God! And one day …you will be reunited with your daughter Madison. You have 4 children ….not just 3. One of them has just been “fast-tracked” to where we all long to be. In the meantime, teach Cody, Tianna and Jaimee all that you promised to at their baptisms. Keep Madison’s memory alive in each of them.

“In Christ Alone, my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song.
This Cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease.
My Comforter, my All in All,
Here in the love of Christ I stand.”

Make these your words, your confession.

Even though I wasn’t there at the birth ….I thank you for giving me the honour of being with you afterwards ….and for being a “doula” for you after Madison’s birth. Thank you for allowing me the privilege of writing this story.
I’ll never forget Madison Joy and will love her always as my niece ….the way I love your other 3 children. I’ll never forget her face either ….and thank you for allowing me to hold her and to see her and touch her too.
I love you both tremendously and thank you for being such an inspiration of God-given strength. May God bless you, and keep you, may He make His Face shine upon you and give you peace.

With all my love,
Nicole